Please Excuse My Navel Gazing

I’m making myself write in public because taking the Seinfeld approach “don’t break the chain” has worked for me in the past when it comes to getting out of creative ruts, and I’m feeling like the time has come to invent something new and take some new risks and start a new chapter.

I'm tired of waiting for the breeze
To come shake the leaves down off of these trees
And bring this summer to an end
So everything can finally start over again

“Head in the Clouds” Mocky

I write these posts straight through with very little editing, other than asking my husband to read them and make sure I’m not sticking my foot so far down my throat I might choke (a little nibble is fine). The fastest way for me not to publish is to really get into editing myself. I find myself a bit insufferable, poor little rich girl and all that even though my angsty feelings are quite real.

However annoying I may find myself, I’m charmed by the notes you have been sending me Dear Readers. You are lovely and I appreciate your thought provoking correspondence, and I promise to write back privately to each one. It’s also been a pleasure discovering many of my readers are old friends from past lives at various jobs and cities, and the world really is quite small! Maybe the community I’m looking for is right here?

The navel gazing I had in mind for this post was my actual belly button, which I’m seeing a lot more as I live in a bikini and oversized linen shirt as much as I can during the summer (it’s even hotter in Denver than Rome!)

I’ve been contemplating the way my skin has changed after going from 220 lbs to 150 lbs, and hope springs eternal that there will be a correlation between my Oura saying I’m 7 years younger than my chronological age and my skin continuing to bounce back with lots of collagen. Is it a universal middle age fantasy to have that taut flat summer stomach?

It’s funny to think just how much my (physical) navel gazing is reshaped by the narrative I put around the wearables data. Without it, would I tell myself “this is just your 40s?” Does it give me hope for returning to 34 year old me? To 2019 me? That version of me was restarting her career after a move to Colorado and post-acquisition sabbatical. Fortunately, 34 year old me made some excellent decisions that I’m grateful for today:

1. she opened herself up to working for a CEO again and was so lucky to get that opportunity from Sid at Gitlab

2. she decided to get a second dog (Taco) right around this time that year

3. she closed on a house in Denver to diversify from Twilio stock just before a global pandemic

I am very grateful to her, 7 years ago she set things in motion that make my life today possible. She was still ill at ease about the decision to not have kids, but I’m happy to report back to her we are at peace now and a 3rd Labrador is planned for January 2027 (working name: Allora!)

It’s wild to think how much she was trying to do without AI, and it makes me wonder how much time compression this next 7 years will have. How will 48 year old me in 2033 look back on this last 7 years? 7 years is such a salient time window for humans, fitting with our development lifecycle. I feel like I’ve had several “midlife crisis” cycles (there is that word again!) and turn 42 next spring is another 7-factored milestone so perhaps all this reflection is setting me up for the next epiphany of priorities.

Can’t wait to find out!

For some quick station identification, this Substack didn’t start as a personal blog, it began as an investing newsletters when I was going full completionist on the S&P 500 (a project I am toying with resurrecting now that AI could help me do the analysis faster). So thanks for bearing with me, and also it’s ok if you want to unsubscribe from all these posts figuring myself out.

Thes 90s are cool and this is my Livejournal summer. If you want to follow me further back on the arc check out the archives of my online writing at DanielleMorrill.com

And yes, I’m having a great time in Italy! This morning we will drive 3 hours South to see Pompeii, and then continue on to taste wine in the foothills of Mount Vesuvius before checking in for a week in Positano!